My Blog Is Broken.

Well it's the third week of July and I have completed exactly one blog post. My longest drought since I began writing at the first of the year. In the grand tradition of excuse makers of years past, I now submit some of my top reasons for not writing.

1) We switched internet providers and I am not smart enough to figure out how to get my laptop to recognize the new wifi. I tried introducing them, "Laptop this is the internet; internet this is my laptop, you know each other", but to no avail, they just stare at me blankly.

My blank stare has a little crazy in it.

2) My brain collapsed under the strain of trying to figure out how to connect my laptop to the new network. Not a pretty sight, ooze leaked out of my ears, I was drooling, and I'm pretty sure I wet myself. Basically a lot of bodily fluids were involved. Although in retrospect, it wasn't that different from most other days.

3) Instead of writing, I hang out at the coffee shop and talk about writing.

4) Those that can't, teach. I have been conducting a seminar with the local homeless meth addicts teaching them how to put their thoughts down. Everybody needs to find their voice; unfortunately their voice is gibberish about cleaning the toilets and alien mind control. Also they keep selling the computers.

5) I have been in a heated theological debate (read gun-battle) with several "Christians" who think that we should just kill all the sinners now and save God the time. I am also a Christian, I'm just pretty sure the bible teaches us to love people, not beat their brains in.

6) I am creating my Magnum Opus, a blog about Nerds, Geeks and Dorks, which will be so awesome that it will make you puke, but I don't think you are ready for it yet.

7) I have been busy watching every episode of Futurama one frame at a time, trying to collect evidence of Matt Groenig's evil plan to take over the planet, before it's too late.

8) I stuck my hand in a jar of M&M's and grabbed a handful. Then I couldn't get my hand out. And it was my writin' hand.

9) I had to thwart an evil plan, whereby Charlie Sheen would hook up with Lady GaGa, and the resulting crazy would be so intense that it would destroy the very fabric of this time space continuum and send us all hurtling into the chaos; which oddly enough resembles a 1940's Looney Tunes B&W cartoon.

10) It's summer. it's hot, I'm lazy. The internet is broken. The cat ate my wifi. Pick one. I promise to write more.